your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
