my vag is so smooth its legendary
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
