i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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