so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
