She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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