I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
