Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
