I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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