By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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