I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
