Don't you send me to vm
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
