I think I died a long time ago.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
