I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
