yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
