I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize