so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
