Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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