I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
