I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
