Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
