I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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