My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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