yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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