I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize