You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
