He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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