I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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