He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
