On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
