..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
