Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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