your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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