omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
