maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
People in love make me want to vomit
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
