yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
