i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
