Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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