apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
