What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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