Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
