and she was petting her beer can
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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