Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
