And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have fence marks all over my body
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
