its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
