I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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