my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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