dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize