There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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