The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
