You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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