My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
