to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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