just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
