I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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