Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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