my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
