Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
