How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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