You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
