Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
