I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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