Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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