he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
