I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
