Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
